snow patrol

i'm taking a little trip this weekend. i'm hoping...well, i don't know what i'm hoping, but i'm sure whatever this trip brings will be welcome...good or bad. i love to travel. i've been all around the world and always theres a draw to certain places. the place that i'm going to this weekend i've visited more often than any other. it relaxes me and i will continue to go back until it doesn't do that any more. i imagine that all things lose their luster after a while, but i'm hoping that my love affair and draw to theis particular place is a love that lasts forever. i remember playing that game when i was little, you know the one, the one where you say "if you could pick any place in the world to live where would it be?" i always pick somewhere local because that's all i knew, but now that i've seen a few places i think i know where i would spend the rest of my life...kicker...i don't know if i could do it without my family. i keep thinking in my head, well if they only knew what it was like they would move in a heartbeat...but would they? it seems so easy from here because it could actually be that easy for me. i could say this is where i want to go because it's the most beautiful place i know, but i know that i would go back to the same boat i'm in now...italy is nothing to sneeze at, and still i'm home sick so i doubt that my dream place would be any better after a while. we'll see how it goes...i'll scope out some property this weekend....just kidding.

i'm taking a little trip this weekend. i'm hoping...well, i don't know what i'm hoping, but i'm sure whatever this trip brings will be welcome...good or bad. i love to travel. i've been all around the world and always theres a draw to certain places. the place that i'm going to this weekend i've visited more often than any other. it relaxes me and i will continue to go back until it doesn't do that any more. i imagine that all things lose their luster after a while, but i'm hoping that my love affair and draw to theis particular place is a love that lasts forever. i remember playing that game when i was little, you know the one, the one where you say "if you could pick any place in the world to live where would it be?" i always pick somewhere local because that's all i knew, but now that i've seen a few places i think i know where i would spend the rest of my life...kicker...i don't know if i could do it without my family. i keep thinking in my head, well if they only knew what it was like they would move in a heartbeat...but would they? it seems so easy from here because it could actually be that easy for me. i could say this is where i want to go because it's the most beautiful place i know, but i know that i would go back to the same boat i'm in now...italy is nothing to sneeze at, and still i'm home sick so i doubt that my dream place would be any better after a while. we'll see how it goes...i'll scope out some property this weekend....just kidding.

what brings us just a little happiness

my sister called today to tell me that she decided to bring my aunt Gloria home with her to stay. her reason for being in a wheelchair is heart disease, and i remember a few years ago when my mom called me to tell me she had had a stroke. i was devastated. it has taken this long for her to be able to maneuver the wheelchair on her how and i know that the smallest things like getting a drink of water are great feats for her. she was told that her health is deteriorating and it only makes it worse when she doesn't take her heart medication regularly. my family has decided that since she was so kind to us that it's time for us to return the favor, she is after all family. as the wife of my dad's younger and closest brother she holds a special place in my father's heart because of her warmth and love towards my uncle. she was also warm and loving to her own children, but they seem to have forgotten that. when i talked to my dad he said that he thinks they have all turned against each other because there is money and property involved and the don't have anything of their own...as i said before, there isn't much in the town and no opportunity for anyone. so they stayed in the town, and they grew bitter because they had nothing and when my uncle died they suddenly had more than they had before. i would like to think that I would never be driven to something like that, but who knows, maybe if i had nothing, I would fight for everything i could get too.
so my mother is going to try to provide as much care to someone who deserves much more than she's gotten and at least with her she will be surrounded by people who love her.
i would like to talk to my cousins, but i doubt it will do much good. i'm not in their situation so i don't know what it's like for them.
what i do know is that i miss them...who they used to be...the boys i grew up with, who used to walk me to the corner store to buy candy, the boys who escorted me to dances in the square, the boys who gave me my first beer and made sure i drank responsibly when i got older, but most of all i miss the friends they used to be.

troubled waters

my dad's brother died about a year ago of a heart attack and ever since then things have been on a downward spiral with his family. they live in mexico, in a rather poor town, with nothing in it but a few drug runners and some convenience stores where people stop on their way somewhere else. my uncle owned one of these convenience stores and his daughter (the youngest of his kids) took over when he passed away. he left a wife, who is in a wheel chair and unable to take care of herself, four sons, who all hate each other, and his daughter. my uncle had not left any instructions to to his family in case of his death nor did he leave a will, but on the day of his funeral his sons decided to divide all of the property and assets that he had aquired and leave the care of the store and my aunt to their sister. she was to pay them a portion of the profits while they did none of the work. they thought this was a fair arrangement until one of the brothers lost his job and sold his house and moved in with his sister and mother along with his wife and three sons. now, i know this is starting to sound like a horrible fairy tale, but believe me when i say that i am telling the whole truth. well when my cousin and his wife (who my aunt disliked and distrusted since before they were married) moved in, the care of my aunt fell to them since they refused to help run the store. when his brothers found out they had moved in they were a little suspicious as to his motives thinking that he would try to sell the house. so a few weeks later they showed up while my cousin and his wife were away to check in on their mother and found that they had locked her in the house and left bread and meat out for her to feed herself since they were gonna be gone over the weekend...this woman is one of the kindest people you'd ever want to meet and every summer when we would go stay with her she would treat us like we were her own children...she is also incapable of changing herself so you can imagine what they walked into. so while they were still out his two brothers went about throwing all of their stuff out into the street and that's where they found it when they came home from their weekend holiday.
so they went to her family's house and stayed with them and the two other brothers moved into the house since their sister was too busy with the store supporting all of them. They aren't working, but they along with their wives never spend much time there either since they are always out and about town.
my sister went to visit her to see if she needed anything this weekend and found my aunt sitting in her wheel chair outside of her house and she started crying as soon as she saw my sister. it turned out that she had been locked out of her house. my sister didn't wait or ask questions she just put her in her car and headed back home with her. on their way my aunt told my sister..."please don't judge them by what they're doing now...their father's death has had an awful affect on them."

i don't know how people survive certain things, but it takes a strong person to go through what she's gone through. i've often felt down about my problems because they're mine and i don't suffer other peoples pains, but it makes me feel ridiculous to complain when someone so close to me is in a situation beyond repair and in despair.
i can't help her, not from here, but i wish i could take some of her pain.

friends are friends

we weren't the greatest of friends, but she was a friend and mainly the only single friend i had here. she left two weeks ago and the constant reminder that i have nobody here are my married friends. i love them, but the seem to get confused as to why i feel so lonely when they're always around me.
we weren't the greatest of friends, but she made me feel less alone.

SOMETIMES

sometimes it's hard to get up in the morning.
sometimes it's hard to breathe.
sometimes i wonder if things will always be like this.
sometimes i get so lonely i can't stand it.
sometimes...

Home of the last supper in the church of Santa Maria delle Grazie in Milan
 

The entrance to see The Last Supper by Leonardo Da Vinci 

Jack Johnson concert in Milan  

Carnivale 

Carnivale in Venice this year was a blast, but the weather was pretty crappy. 

is it time?

I've been trying to do a little spring cleaning but i'm having trouble concentrating with the weather being so nice, i've decided that instead of spending this fine easter weekend indoors i'm going to go out and do a little shopping. i wanted to post some pictures today cause it's nice out and i'm feeling really good....
....on that note. i've made a decision about my life and i'm hoping that it's the right one. i wonder.
i've decided to go home when my contract here is up. i've decided that it's been long enough. i've enjoyed my stay and i'm going to make the most of the next two years, but it's really enough. i've been lonely more often than not and i really miss my family. i would love to meet someone and settle down already, but that doesn't seem to be working out very well here. not that it will back home either, but at least there it will be easier to meet people...i hope.
...by all means if you have any opinions on the matter please tell me. i would really like to look at all sides of this.